we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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