I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
