please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
