I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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