Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
