Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
