I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
