There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
