i can't believe i had my finger in that
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Houston, we have a squirter
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
