I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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