I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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