her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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