I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
