I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
