im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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