"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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