I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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