it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
