If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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