I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
