I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
