Need sex. Gaining weight.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
