Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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