You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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