just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
