I just threw up on my dentist
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
