I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
