You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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