i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
