note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
