I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
