I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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