Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
