Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
