Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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