after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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