I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
