She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
