I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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