if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
