so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
