No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
