she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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