you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
