it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
