Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
