i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
