if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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