Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
