i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
