Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
