when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
