just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
