If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
