just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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