hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
