dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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